[The stage is dressed bare, with just a lamp-post and a DTC bus sign on it – indicating that it is a bus-stop. One among many such in the city of
Sita is waiting at the bus-stop. It is late evening and the shadows are long. Two shady characters (SC1 and SC2) are a distance away, apparently waiting at the bus-stop too. They are typical middle aged
SC1 is swigging a bottle of Haywards 5000]
SC1: [Starts Singing]
Aankhin hi aankhon mein ishaara ho
Baithe Baithe jeene ka sahaara ho
[Sita pretends not to notice and looks at her Rolex uncomfortably]
SC2: Maydum – Time kyaa huaa hai?
Sita: [Hesitates] Six thirty [She says primly and looks the other way]
SC1: [Hoots] Six thirty! [He mimics]
[They both guffaw loudly]
[Sita is agitated]
SC2: Oye Hoye! Maydum gussa ho gayi. [Adressing Sita] Maydum please. Don’t be angry. We were just asking time. Be friendship, ok!
[Both of them inching closer]
SC1: Aye yaar. Maydum looks good angry.
SC2: [Pretending to translate] Ji arz farmaaya hai. Aap gusse mein aur bhi haseen lagti hain.
[Sita is very uncomfortable by now]
SC1: Aapke Husn ka kyaa jaadoo,
Yeh Zehreeli kaatil nigaahein.
Magay kyee mehek-e-khushboo,
Ki hum roz. Har roz – kurbaan jaan lutaa dein
[He has fallen on his knees in front of Sita by now]
Sita: Please Bhai Sahab.
SC2: HAI! Heh heh. Yaar! Tere ko to bhai banaa diya!
Sita: Dekhiye – aap badtameezi kar rahe hain. Shareefon se aise behave nahin karte.
SC1: [Drawing up angrily and threateningly]
Shareef! To hum kyaa gunde mawaali nazar aate hain?
[Sita shrinks back]
SC2: [With a mollifying tone]
Dekhiye – naraaz na hioye. Hum to bas tareef kar rahe they… Kyaa pataa – shaayad hamaare beech dosti ho jaaye. Aur shaayad aur bhi kucch…
[Advances]
Sita: Yeh kyaa badtameezi hai! [Really scared]
SC1: [Grabs her wrists and shrieks in falsetto] Chhodo Mujhe! Chhodo Mujhe! Bhagwaan ke liye chhod do!
SC1 and SC2: [Look at each other and in chorus]
Chhodenge, chhhodenge. Bhagwaan ke liye bhi chhod denge.
[Laugh out loud together]
[Sita struggles. SC1 twists her wrist and spins her around, and leers over her ear]
SC1: Badi teekhi cheez hai tu. Chal hamaare saath- dil khush ho jaayegi teri. Badi khush rakhenge tereko.
Sita: Meri shaadi hone waali hai! [She is flailing and sobbing helplessly now]
SC2: Arrey ustaad bahut ustaad hain. Ustaadon ke bhi ustaad. Pati wait sab bhool jaayegi inke saath.
SC1: Aise mat bol yaar. Usko bhi bulaa lenge! Mil baantke khaayenge.
[Both laugh lecherously. Sita struggles on]
[There is a blaring of trumpets and a spot illuminates a place on the balcony railing behind the audience. Zorro, all dressed in black – in full costume – masks, cloak, hat, boots, rapier, dagger – all but the horse steps into the spot. The action on stage suddenly stops and they all gape up at him. The audience does not notice them. They are already looking behind their shoulders with dropping jaws at Zorro]
Zorro: I heard a Lady’s cry!
[Grabs an end of the flywire with his whip and sails down over the audience’s head on to the stage. The audience goes wild! With a flourish, he lands on an elevated platform on stage, dropping into an attacking crouch]
Zorro: [Tipping his hat gracefully at Sita]
I am Ravi von Rathore – Count of Ten. Are these men bothering you?
Sita: [Who has disengaged herself by now] Yes! Yes!
[Zorro leaps down on stage, drawing his rapier by the time he lands]
Zorro: Scoundrels! Prepare to die!
SC1: [A little flabbergasted, but adjusting to the situation quickly – smashes his bottle]
Tere Ma ka Bhonsda!
[Lunges at Zorro. SC2 has beat it by now]
[There is a flurry of action – during which Zorro expertly evades the lunge and disarms SC1 with a flick of his wrist. He then proceeds to whack SC1 in the rear with the flat of his blade and chases him out of stage with more whacks]
Zorro: [Turning to Sita] It is okay m’lady. The danger is now past. It is safe now.
Sita: Of course it is. It was perfectly safe before you barged in like that. I had the thing under control. And look at things now. Broken glass, flying swords. Put that thing away!
Zorro: [Long pause] Of course.
[Sheathes the rapier]
Sita: [Looking Zorro up and down] And who are you?
Zorro: Hmm. Interesting. You are asking a masked man who he is..
However, I do distinctly remember introducing my humble self to the lady. I shall do so again. I an Ravi von Rathore, Count of…
Sita: Right, right. Woeva! What do you want?
Zorro: What I want is anybody’s guess. Yours as well as mine. Question is – what do you want? Now that those lecherous villains have passed on, driven away by my sword, pray – how can I be of further service?
Sita: Um… I will be fine, you know. I am expecting a friend
Zorro: Ah! My apologies. I did not intend to intrude on another man’s place.
Sita: Tch! No. It’s not like that. It’s my friend K. She was supposed to meet me here.
[K enters, clutching many shopping bags]
K: Oh Sita! I am sorry I got late. There was this amazing store I passed on the way. You know, they actually…
[Sees Zorro and drops her bags with a shriek]
K: Who is this? Is this man bothering you? Creep! Bastard! Just you wait! Koi hai? Help! HELP!
Seeta: Shush Kasturi. He was only trying to help. You won’t believe. These two guys just landed up from nowhere! It was goof that this gentleman happened to be passing by. Nahin to pata nahin kyaa ho jaata aaj toh. This is my friend Kasturi. You can call her K. And aap hain – what did you say your name was?
Zorro: [Taking his hat off with a swagger and bowing]
I am Ravi von Rathore, the Count of Ten. You can call me R
K: Accha. Why are you wearing a mask? And who are you?
Zorro: [Rolling his eyes] There we go again.
Anyway – never mind that. Who I am is not important. What is important is that the evening is young and the night promises to be a beautiful one. Perhaps I could have the pleasure of walking you beautiful ladies someplace…
K: [Giggling coyly] Well… I don’t see why not…
Sita: No! It’s fine. Thank you mister. But I think we will be fine.
Zorro: [Suddenly notices the poster on the lamp-post and begins to chant softly]
Remember, remember,
the Twentieth September,
the gunpowder treason and plot.
I can think of no reason,
why the gunpowder treason,
should ever be forgot.
Sita and K: Uh!!?
Zorro: V for Vendetta…
Sita and K: Uh!!?
Zorro: [Smiles as if remembering a fond memory] Nevermind. Just something I remembered that felt apt for the occasion.
So long ladies! A pleasure to be of assistance. Do call on me if you ever need anything.
[With a swagger and flourish of his cloak, exits]
K: Wow! Where did you pick that one up from?
Sita: Tch! He just landed up
K: [Deramily] He was kind of cute, you know. Very rawmantic
[They start walking away]
Sita: [Thoughtfully] K…
K: Hm?
Sita: What do you want?
[They keep walking in silence]
[Fade out]